Meghan McCain.Photo: Lou Rocco/ABC
Meghan McCainis opening up further aboutexperiencing a miscarriage.
“I’ve always been agnostic about having kids,” she said. “Idon’t feel naturally maternal. I don’t feel this natural draw to motherhood. And I think my response and how sad I felt afterward surprised me.”
Meghan, 35, revealed in July that she had been pregnant with a daughter for her and husbandBen Domenech, but subsequentlysuffered a miscarriage. She called the loss a “horrendous experience” at the time, adding that she “would not wish it upon anyone.”
“I always describe it as the inverse of losing my dad, because my dad was the ending of a beautiful, long-lived life and I grieve that, and the way I grieved having a miscarriage and grieved my daughter was what could have been, and grieving that part,” she explained.
“It just hit me a lot harder than I thought it would,” Meghan continued. “I never eventhought about having a miscarriage. I never even thought about being pregnant until it happened.”
John Lamparski/WireImage
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The television personality admits she was “very, very, very hard on” herself in the aftermath of the loss,initially blaming everything from“the stress of my life” to “being older” and even her “personality.”
“Oftentimes, as people [tune] in to the show, they probably think that we’re leading these perfect lives and everything’s wonderful, and there’s actually a lot of intensity in any human’s life,” Meghan said. “And I just thought, after I had my miscarriage that I should talk about it.”
“I just want people to feel less alone because I felt very, very alone during the entire experience,” she shared. “And afterward, I just felt like I have this huge platform — why not use it tohelp other women feel less alone?”
(L-R) Ben Domenech and Meghan McCain.Meghan McCain/Instagram
In herNew York Timesop-ed (published in July) where she revealed she had miscarried, Meghan said that her pregnancy had been unexpected, and remembered feeling like her body was “a rock-strewn wasteland in which no child may live” after the loss.
Revealingthat her miscarriage had occurreda few weeks previously, Meghan wrote that she will always have “love for my child,” continuing, “To the end of my days I will remember this child — and whatever children come will not obscure that.”
“Iwas petrified to share my story publiclybut I never, ever let fear dictate my life choices. I will always take the leap, I will always roll the dice,” Meghan said.
source: people.com
