“Maybe next time. Maybe next time, we’ll get it right.”
That’s whatValerie Bertinellisaid through tears to her first husbandEddie Van Halenas he was dying of cancer in late 2020.
The two had shared almost four decades of “love, anger, frustration and friendship” and raised a son they adored,Wolfgang, before the rock musiciandied on Oct 6, 2020, at age 65.
“I loved Ed more than I know how to explain,” says Bertinelli. “I loved his soul.”
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“We were portrayed as a mismatch,” she writes of their early years. “The bad boy rock star and America’s sweetheart but privately, Ed wasn’t the person people thought he was and neither was I.”
Though their love was strong, the pair’s marriage was tumultuous at times. “I hated the drugs and the alcohol but I never hated him,” she says. “I saw his pain.”
Even after their divorce in 2007, and as both went on to remarry in later years, they shared a bond — one that grew closer as his cancer spread and Eddie faced death.
Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli.Ann Clifford/DMI/The LIFE Picture Collection via Shutterstock
“I hope you don’t think it’s weird, you know, that I bought my ex-wife this gift and didn’t get my wife anything,” he told her with tears in his eyes. “I just love you.”
“He wants me to know he messed up [during our marriage],” she writes. “I contributed to our troubles too and I am also sorry.”
Valerie Bertinelli.Brian Bowen Smith
They were also there with him in the final moments.
“‘I love you’ are the last words Ed says to Wolfie and me,” she writes, “and they are the last words we say to him before he stops breathing.”
RELATED VIDEO: Valerie Bertinelli Shares Tribute to Ex-Husband Eddie Van Halen: ‘See You In Our Next Life My Love’
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Still, she has regrets how she sometimes held herself back from getting too close to her former husband when he was so sick. They were both married at the time (she to her second husband financial plannerTom Vitaleand Eddie to Liszewski).
Both marriages, theHot in Clevelandalum says, were struggling.
“There is no chance we are going to get back together,” she writes, “but I do know if one of us were to open up, the other one would too, and I don’t want to get into that.”
Now that he is gone, Bertinelli acknowledges the complexity and depth of their relationship may be hard for others to understand.
“I can’t explain the feelings Ed and I had for each other,” she says. “Who really knows had he not died. I doubt it. I loved him more than I know how to explain and there’s nothing sexual about it. It was more than that. And Ed and I understood that.”
“There is no greater love than what we had between the two of us and with that, we made this beautiful son,” she adds.
Their close bond, however, was not a factor in her decision tofile for separationfrom Vitale in late November.
“We grew apart,” she says. “The decision has nothing to do with my love for Ed. I wish Tom the best and I know he feels the same way about me.”
“The book is more vulnerable than anything else I’ve ever written,” says Bertinelli, who is now hosting the 11th season ofKids Baking Championship.
Still, she hopes it will help others who sometimes see themselves in her struggles. As she says, “Sharing makes us feel less alone.”
Bertinelli’s memoir,Enough Already: Learning to Love the Way I Am Today, will be released on Jan. 18.
source: people.com
