Theworld ’s tallest waterslide , site in Schiltterbahn ’s Kansas City waterpark , open to the public this Thursday . I had the honor / revulsion of being part of that populace . This is my story .
If you ’re not familiar with the world ’s tallest waterslide by this point , here are a few play fact about itsrecord - breaking delights :
It ’s call the Verrückt , which I think is German for public colonic . [ Ed . Note : It actually means “ sick , ” which is also appropriate ]
It ’s 168 feet and 7 inch grandiloquent . That ’s about 51.38 meter if you use the metric system , and a lilliputian more than 168.5 $ 5 footlongs if you use the Subway organization .
It blend in between 40 and 50 mph depending on your weight and whether or not anxiety farts can propel a watercraft to go quicker .
Its first drop is , in stringently scientific term , super - effing steep .
If you ’re curious how one survives a waterslide with that form of statistical baggage , let me be your sage guide , one who was pleasantly surprised not to have peed herself at all at any point , no sir .
Bring and/or make friends
Not just any champion . You ’ll need one to two Quaker ( you’re able to make them in course ; the very best case scenario is about a two - hour wait , so you ’ve got plentifulness of time ) . They ’ll need to be taller than 54 inch , weigh a collective 400 to 550 pounds between all two or three of you — presumably if you ’re under the demarcation line you ’ll just fly off into the air after that first bump , like the end of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory — and with whom you finger well-fixed verbally fit to a situation that include the potential peril of end .
I ’ve never hear people so excited to be tell they ’re 400 to 550 pounds .
No , really . Before you depend upon , they ask you things like if you ’re meaning or have any physical ailments , and oh P.S. are you nerveless with the chance of maybe break ? And you ’re just like , “ Sure ! One tag for possible decease please ! ”
Mentally prepare yourself for the walk up
There are 264 steps that conduct to the top of the Verrückt , which may not sound like an harebrained amount if you ’re unsound at visualizing numbers like I am . It ’s probably more helpful to think of the total tripper as 17 flight of stair , which as you might guess gives you mint of time to deliberate just how high up you are and how far down you have to go and if you want to make any adjustments to your will .
Comforting factoid along the way .
The walk up is decorated with sign that give you a position of just how high up you are . I ’m gauge they ’re also think of to distract you from the fact that you ’re only halfway there and just con you might have stair mounting - induce asthma .
So . Many . stair .
A fun secret plan you get to play at the top is to see how much system of weights you miss in sweat when they librate you for a third and final sentence . We together with lost one Ezra Loomis Pound .
Just be cool and enjoy your well-earned scary water death dive
At the top , one drive supervisory program end each prison term with “ the top of world ’s tallest waterslide . ” For example :
“ Welcome to the top of the world ’s tallest waterslide . ”
“ Please make your way to the mountain at the top of the world ’s tallest waterslide . ”
“ Please do n’t start call - vomiting at the top of the humanity ’s tallest waterslide . ”
I do n’t think I ’ve ever taken part in something that was the declared “ -est ” of that thing . So , it made me palpate very accomplished , which was a gracious feeling to feel right before they strap us into what could potentially be our own personal water coffin .
One of my final judgment of conviction before going down was , “ Has anyone vomited on this affair yet ? ”
To which one someone responded , “ No . So do n’t be the first . ”
aspect from the top .
For me , the chilling part of the ride was when they inched our raft to the top of the swoop and announced “ 30 seconds ” as in “ Your ride will start in 30 seconds ” as in “ Enjoy what may be the last 30 seconds of your existence . ”
And then we were off . Before I could finish shout , “ Clear my internet browser history upon destruction , ” we were fall down that first deadly steep cliff , which in the moment felt like going off a falls while Velcro - male erecticle dysfunction to a pool noodle . That free fall is so jarring and quick that the hump at the end of the slide feel like a kiss on the cheek from an saint baby who also spits on you a little . And then you float , checking to verify you ’re still register a heartbeat . The whole matter lasts about 15 seconds .
Surviving the Verrückt was very much worth it , in that once - in - a - lifetime / potential - last - moment - of - your - lifetime sort of room . I give it five $ 5 footlongs , 17 flight of steps , and all my thumbs .
Mia Mercadois a writer based in Kansas City . We can support that she is indeed still alive .
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