I recently paid a visit to my sweet friendHelen Janeand was excited to get hold this book at her home .
( The second book of the “ 2 Books in 1 ! ” is “ Barbie [ i can be … ] an Actress . ” We ’ll get to that later . ) Helen Jane has two petty girl under the eld of six . I have a daughter who is almost two .
“ This is great ! ” I state . “ Barbie want to be a computer engineer ! And fifty spine ! ”
“ Yeah , I was really excited at first , too , ” Helen Jane said . “ Because , like you , I consider in the commodity of the great unwashed . But then , like I ’m certain you ’ve feel a million meter , I was reminded you should never believe in the goodness of citizenry . ”
“ Oh , no . Should I read it ? ”
“ You must . at once . ”
And now you all will , too . Because this is a actual Scripture . A book you couldbuy ripe nowif you wanted to . A book that flop now , somewhere , is teaching possibly one C of new girl and boy the following :
At breakfast one morning , Barbie is already voiceless at work on her laptop computer .
“ What are you doing , Barbie ? ” asks Skipper .
“ I ’m contrive a game that usher kids how computing machine work , ” explains Barbie . “ you’re able to make a robot puppy do cute tricks by matching up coloured block ! ”
Barbie ! That ’s awesome . I love how your game is both educational and merriment . Bonus points for keeping it precious , because you are so stylish . Please be measured not to drop your breakfast fro - yo on your laptop computer . I ’ve done it , and it ’s not so funzies . Anyway , Internet , get quick to find your thing to be super pissed off about today .
What the crashing diddly , Barbie ? This is where you assume Skipper will be like , “ Oh , why do you need boys ? We can do it ourselves ! Let ’s learn and work firmly and do things all on our own because a sense of accomplishment and knowledge are potent weapons for maturity . ”
But no . Nope . Barbie ’s just fine ending her piece of work with the “ figure ideas ” and a laugh . She ’ll involve the boys before she ’ll have a “ literal GAME . ”
Wait , wait . I need you to know something , and this is hard for me to enjoin you , because I ’m guessing that like Helen Jane and me , you maybe believe in the good of people . You still hope that when we turn the page , there will be something empowering for Barbie and Skipper to experience . That peradventure Steven and Brian are … I do n’t sleep together , maybe they could still be girl ? But , no . It ’s about to get even more misogynistic up in here .
So , after this Sir Frederick Handley Page , we — Hey , where did you go ? Oh , I see you . You ’re on the floor , face down , having return up . Yeah , we did that , too . Is it because it took two female child to reboot a calculator ? I finger bad for every metre I made fun of my mother using technology , because right now some mom is having to study this al-Qur’an to her girl , and after the “ uncanny ” blinking silver screen and reboot , she ’s own to describe the computer ’s commonwealth as : “ nothing happens . ” Are you still on the flooring because Barbie wears a flash drive around her neck opening ? And that it ’s a giant pink heart ? At least Skipper ’s doing her best to avail the situation by pour her babe some juice . girl can be so helpful in the kitchen .
Run , Skipper ! Run from the haunt flash parkway !
When Barbie puts her flash ride into Skipper ’s laptop computer , the screen starts wink . “ Oh , no ! ” says Barbie . “ The computer virus must be on the flash drive ! ”
“ I forgot to back up my homework designation ! ” cries Skipper . “ And all my music files are lose , too ! ”
A PILLOW . SKIPPER HITS HER SISTER WITH A PILLOW . PLAYFULLY . Skipper has just lost her homework , all her music files and her laptop , but all she ’s move to is STATUS : PILLOW FIGHT .
The fact that Barbie ’s comp sci instructor is distaff almost allow you acquire thing are about to get less insulting . Do n’t fall for it .
“ Well , first you remove the hard drive from the crashed computer , ” excuse Ms. Smith . “ And then you hook it up to another computing machine . ”
“ But wo n’t the other computer get the same computer virus that made your calculator clang ? ” ask Barbie .
“ Not if the computer has good security software set up , ” say Ms. Smith . “ honorable security software protect your computing machine from catching a computer virus . ”
Barbie gets told how to do something , so what do you opine she does next ? That ’s right . Go find some boys to fix her computering !
“ It will go faster if Brian and I help oneself , ” offers Steven .
“ expectant ! ” say Barbie . “ Steven , can you fleece Skipper ’s operose drive up to the program library ’s calculator ? ”
“ Sure ! ” enunciate Steven . “ The library electronic computer has fantabulous security software to protect it . ”
IT WILL GO FASTER IF BRIAN AND I help oneself , put up the hands voices . “ Step apart , Barbie . ” YOU’VE BROKEN ENOUGH , NOW .
From Helen Jane : Steven and Brian are nice guys , I ’m certain . But Steven and Brian are also everything frustrating about the tech industry . Steven and Brian represent the tech industry assumption that only men make meaningful contributions . world fix this , man drive this and men take control to finish this . Steven and Brian do n’t assess innovation as much as code . Steven and Brian correspond every time I was talked over and break up — every sentence I did n’t post a codification result in a meeting place because I did n’t require to pass the next 72 years support it . Steven and Brian make more money than I do for doing the same affair . And at the same clip , Steven and Brian are courteous guys .
“ I ’ve set out Skipper ’s assigning from the hard private road ! ” exclaims Steven .
“ terrific ! ” says Barbie . “ And her other data file , as well ? ”
“ I ’ve got everything , ” says Steven . “ Now get ’s remember the file from your hard crusade . Both laptops will be beneficial as young in no meter ! ”
mellow - five , fashion plate . High - piece of ass - five .
Barbie not only waiting until the next morning to return her sister ’s computer , she altogether aim all the deferred payment that it ’s no longer break ! What an shit !
At school , Skipper presents her assignment to the year . “ Hi , everybody , ” she enjoin . “ The person I look up to most is Barbie — a great sis and a great estimator railroad engineer ! ” Everyone is ingrain by Skipper ’s demonstration .
What ? ! Oh , await . Did n’t she mostly write this assignment before the collapse ? Let ’s give Skipper a qualifying . She almost lose enough already this week . Besides , if we upset her we ’re probable to get trapped in the middle of one of her combination pillow fight / two-piece car washout .
At reckoner course , Barbie presents the game she designed . Ms. Smith is so impressed that she give Barbie special credit !
Barbie ’s grand computer skill have saved the day for both sis !
“ I imagine I can be a reckoner railroad engineer ! ” says Barbie blithely .
THE FUCKING END , PEOPLE . Despite having ruin her own laptop computer , her sister ’s laptop , and the program library ’s computers , not to mention Steven and Brian ’s good afternoon , she takes full credit for her secret plan design — only to get extra credit and determine she ’s an amazing computer engineer ! “ I did it all by myself ! ”
Flip the Word and you’re able to read “ Barbie : I can be an Actress , ” where Barbie saves the daylight by filling in for the princess in Skipper ’s school production of “ Princess and the Pea . ” She advert - libs and smiles her direction through her lines , and charms the entire interview . stand ovation , plenty of praise . At no point did she postulate anybody ’s avail . She did n’t even need lines ! Just fend there being Barbie was enough for everyone in attendance . See , worker ? It ’s not that hard . Even Barbie can do it .
When you hold the book in your hands to read a storey , the opposite account book is upside down , facing out . So the final vilification to this entire literary disaster is that when you record “ Barbie : I Can Be a Computer Engineer , ” it appears that you are so fucking slow , you ’re scan “ Barbie : I Can Be an Actress ” upside down .
Helen Jane and I were so livid after read this book we spend the first fifteen minutes spitting out syllables and half - sounds . We ’d go from umbrageous to defeated to livid in the span of ten mo . “ I want this thing to begin a meme of girls scream , ‘ I do n’t need a Brian or a Steven ! ' ”
We knew we had to portion out this with you , because if we did n’t , we ’d be saying it was okay . We could n’t just roll our eye at how affront this ledger is , how dangerous it is for young mind , how it ’s a consummate instance of the manner woman and young woman are perceived to “ understand ” the tech world , and how frustrative it can be when nobody think this is how we ’re treated . Just about everyreviewwe couldfindon this book had readers every bit offended and frustrated .
Oh , and the 50 thorn ? I only visit one : “ Nerdy is the raw Fab ! ” The others had already been absent by Helen Jane ’s small daughters . We can only hope that one of them does n’t boast , “ My other laptop computer is a male child ! ”
This posthas been republish with license fromPamela Ribon . It was originally published on her website , and can be found hereoron her Tumblr here .
Pamela Ribonis a screenwriter , telecasting writer , and best - sell author . Her latest memoir , Notes to Boys ( And Other Things I Should n’t Share in Public ) , called “ brain - breakingly funny ” by NPR , is out now .
Update , 11/19 3:09pm : Barbieissued the follow apology on its Facebook page :
The Barbie I Can Be A Computer Engineer Holy Scripture was issue in 2010 . Since that time we have rework our Barbie books . The portrayal of Barbie in this specific story does n’t reflect the Brand ’s vision for what Barbie stands for . We believe girls should be empowered to empathise that anything is potential and believe they live in a world without limits . We rationalize that this Quran did n’t reflect that notion . All Barbie titles move forward will be written to inspire young lady imagination and portray an empowered Barbie persona .
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