Dear Panasonic . First of all , I ’d like to say how fine that Real Pro Ultramassage chairlooks , if a little scary . It reminds me of that automaton matter in Aliens – you know , the one that Ripley straps herself into decent at the end . I ’m sort of waiting for the framework ( about whom , more afterward ) to bug out be active about the room in it , holler , “ Get away from her you BITCH ! ” just for the hell of it .
But could I just make a few observance ? Firstly , if you need us to grease one’s palms this thing – and , at $ 4,799 , you ’re asking quite a raft – you need to do something to your crush dead reckoning . Biscuit parquet floor cover by an even beiger carpet , and palisade the colouring of biannually - clean fish storage tank do not a sale make . What happened to the residuum of the article of furniture ? Perhaps she had to flog it all for pay for this vibrating mound of Pleather .
You will , I am certain , let me to say a few give-and-take about the sleeping ballad - dee , clad in what attend like a leisure suit ( Is it softest Terry towelling ? I count it is ) – sure , she may have assumed the “ Do it quiet and gently , or you ’ll waken her ” position , but it ’s just , not enough , is it ?
No sirree . What you desire is some unblushing minx , clambering upside down on the president , all tousle light-haired fuzz extensions and PVC , anele up , legs akimbo , proclaiming to the humankind that , yes , she likes 200 inches , she can TAKE two hundred inches , because that is what your massage chair can give her . 200 in ( straight in , obnoviously ) of back massage ! 460 inches of airwave massage – is that like air guitar , only more sensuous ? The Giz must have a go at it now , please .
She must wriggle and shiver , telling potential client that the Real Pro Ultra does it Shiatsu - panache , does Swedish , has a charming pollex that solace away stiffness ( oh , book on , skillful not say that ) erm , has a magic pollex that does unspeakable things , that grasps , that kneads , that can cater for up to four multitude * . secernate her to point out , breathlessly , that the chair is made of easy - wipe , synthetic leather , that it come in either chocolate brown or black , and it ’s only usable at The Sharper Image .
And if that does n’t work , enjoin her to get her kit off and make an “ Ooh ” shape with her oral cavity . [ Panasonic ]
- Not at the same metre , deplorably .
GadgetsMassagePanasonic
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